Japan Knows How To Treat Women

I, like all men, believe women to be completely inferior to men. I'm not going to use a "No True Scotsman" fallacy in this case, as it is obvious that any man who does not believe that women are on the same level as dogs are obviously lying. Women being a parasite on civilisation is obvious from Historical evidence (Yeah, way to invent the Theory of Relativity and build the Great Wall... Oh, that's right) and the Bible (King James' Version, Genesis 3:16 "...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." The Bible also says that Eagles are an abomination, which is why I hate America.) Now, I believe that the only solution to women is a stinging backhand, and unfortunately I was not able to indulge this in video game form.

Until Now!

Finally all woman and child abusers can hone their technique in this delightful game. You can slap them, take off their clothes, throw soccer balls at them and spray what I hope is water on them - Just like you would in real life. Now, I believe that this game is a great thing - After all, if any culture begins to project oppression as entertainment and in positive light, it will become more common until finally it becomes socially acceptable to abuse women. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Truly the makers of this video-game believe that women are nothing but things meant to entertain men, by way of sex, cooking and the occasional beating, like they should.

Sure, the Feminist Movement of the 70's set Man back by a couple of decades by deluding these poor creatures into believing they are human, but Japan's got our back! They already have pedophilia culturally accepted (Their idea of beauty is heavily focused on naivety and being youthful and childish, and they sell used panties of school-girls in vending machines. Plus, check out how many school-girls wearing miniskirts appear in Manga and Anime) so abuse is naturally next. One thing worries me about Love Death 2: Fun Time - The torture is entirely physical. Sure, crippling a woman's legs is all well and good, but it's nothing compared to destroying their self-esteem and making them believe they earned it. What kind of game wont let call women whores? Thankfully I believe this will be rectified in later version, along with the ability to rape ... Oh, what's that? The game already has a "monster in the pants" "weapon" you use "while they're down and can't fight back"... Well, I guess this has all the makings of Game of The Year. ¨

I can't wait till they bring in the DLC, probably involving forbidding them from even talking to other men, stalking them and watching them sleep, constantly reminding the women that you want to kill them and telling her that you are doing it because you love her and having "the skin of a killer". I'm sure nothing like that would ever exist in our society or even be popular, but I can dream, can't I? Like Martin Luther King Jr., I have a dream: A society in which women are slaves to men, with no right to think for themselves, just supplies of sex for men. A world without pain, suffering or belittlement to men (something all women do to men, I read it from "Roissy in DC") and all the negative things in the world are rightfully blamed on women.

Yes, I realise half(2) of my readers(4 in total) are women.

Oh Fuck This

Motherfuckers. WHAT DID I SAY ON SUNDAY? NO! MORE! SHALLOW! GODDAMN! PARODIES!

No, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck you, Hollywood. Straight up the ass.

The Popularity of Horrible Parodies

Quite some time ago, I learned that people are, by nature, fucking retarded. Case in point, the popularity of *Vague Genre* Movies, made by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, like Epic Movie or Date Movie. These movies are to cinema what tumors are to the brain. If you haven't seen any of them, here's a recap of every single one of them:

JASON: Hey, remember *insert character from a recent movie*?

AARON: Yes.

JASON: Wouldn't it be funny if they smoked weed/had sex/killed someone/were illiterate?

AARON: Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahah. Yes.

STUDIO EXECUTIVES: Here you go, have 20 Million.

These movies somehow defy all genres and create a new one: The Reference Movie. These movies are not comedies: I dare you to find a single joke. The movies rely entirely on reminding people of better, actually good movies made in the same year. Let's take Epic Movie as an example. It reportedly parodies "Epic" movies. Now, far be it from me to suggest these people don't know what an epic film actually is, but it's still interesting that they fail to feature a single epic. Instead of Titanic, Passion of the Christ or hell, Saving Private Ryan, the movie parodies The Chronicles of Narnia (Fantasy), Pirates of the Caribbean (Action) and the DaVinci Code (Drama/Thriller/Piece of Bullshit). The only thing connecting these movies together is the fact that they were made in the same year. Seltzburger (a portmanteau of their last names) seem to follow the Christian tradition of Satan: He cannot create, he can only corrupt. Indeed, these movies are nothing but corruptions of their original. The definition of parody, something those two should probably look up in between having more money and sex then I do, is the following:

A parody (pronounced /ˈpærədiː/; also called send-up or spoof), in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work.

Now, the movies don't really comment on, mock or poke fun at the movies as much as have pirates rap, laugh at midgets and have the main characters learn archery and swordsmanship from Harry Potter and Co. I might be an elitist bastard, but last time I checked, none of the characters in Harry Potter sword fight or use a bow. Maybe I "just don't get it" or am "jealous that I'm not that rich" or the old classic, that I "can't criticize unless I've made that much money".

My real gripe is not that the movies prove how buttfuck retarded our species is, but the fact that more and more people are making these movies. Let's have a look at the trailer to the upcoming movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It.






This movie is, obviously, a parody of The 40 Year Old Virgin. These people are under the mistaken conclusion that parodying a comedy will make your movie double funny, instead of make you look retarded. People have been parodying I'm On a Boat, a song that's already a parody for years, so it's not like this is a new thing. It's just really, really sad that people can actually get millions of dollars to make this kind of piece of shit. The jokes are so lowest-common-denominator that it makes me want to jam a screwdriver in my eyes. And the worst part is knowing that this movie will be popular. People will go see it, and they will laugh, and the douchebags who made this movie will make more movies, inspiring more and more people to make shallow parodies until comedy implodes on it self and doesn't exist anymore.

And I blame you. All of you, who have ever seen one of these movies. You brought forth the apocalypse. You have killed the genre of comedy, and replaced it with a child so retarded it does not know how to breathe. You are monsters, and you disgust me more than all the Japanese Units in China of WWII.

Happy Birthday for A Friend

To clarify, yes, I have friends. They just live in... Canada.

Anyways, a friend of mine (for the sake of privacy let's call him Fuckass) has a birthday today. Now, there's not a lot of reasons for Fuckass to live: He's ugly as a boot, smart as a camel, and as compassionate as Mussolini. However, what he lacks in those areas, he more than makes up for them in his artistic ability. That man is to drawing what I am to writing - A prodigy. I think the term in his case is Idiot-Savant. He is seriously one of the most talented people I've ever met - And I've met myself. For some reason Fuckass insists on drawing cars, which I guess means he's an Autosexual. WARNING: DO NOT FOLLOW THAT LINK. IT'S A MEDIOCRE PUN AND NOT WORTH THERAPY. IT WILL DAMAGE YOUR PSYCHE BEYOND REPAIR. JUST BECAUSE IT'S WIKIPEDIA DOESN'T MEANS IT'S SFW.

Anyways, Fuckass is also a pretty nice guy. Hey, I heard the people Mussolini ordered to be killed said he was nice about it. Only problem is that he is way too positive. He laughs at 85% of my jokes, which is bad for me, since I really don't need any encouragement. Even if the guy is a Neo-Nazi (saying that Homosexuality is a disease, using Nazi terminology and overall being a fascist), he still hasn't killed any Untermensch yet. Sure, none of that may be strictly true and I might have elaborated on and twisted his words, but my point remains. Swell guy who utterly hates any game not involving driving. Even in GTA IV he only drives, I don't think he's killed a single person in that game.


So, there's only one person reading this blog who does not know Fuckass, so I urge Capricia13/Susan to give Fuckass your birthday greeting.

I Am Literally Angry With Rage, or: Uptight Retards Prevent Me From Breaking The Law

As you know, I am a teenage nerd. The first implies that I will try to get my hands on something illegal. The second, on the other hand, means I'm not cool enough to smoke or drink excessively, so my interest lies directly on video games. And home-made explosives, but I digress. As a nerd, I am a big fan of RPG's, since the thought of being someone other than my disgusting, ugly, overweight and out of shape self is extremely attractive. Just like men for Julius and Dietle. I am saying they are gay.

So, I was thinking of what game might be suitable for my lonely, escapist fantasy. Immediately, I knew what it was: Fallout 3. The Post-Nuclear-Apocalyptic game set in the ruins of DC. With all the radioactive mutants, classy 50's music and science so soft you could spread it over a sandwich. But, like a shovel to the face of a dozed hooker, reality hit me in the face. "The Game is for 18 year olds," Reality told me "You can't buy it. Also I suck cocks." Truer words have never been spoken, except that one unrelated time. I figured that since I can pass off as an adult on a forum full of adults and Nedroid, I was mature enough to buy that game. Also I wanted it really bad. My parents, who dislike me having/doing mature things and enjoy tormenting me by "caring" and "making sure I don't get hurt", however, did not follow my logic, meaning I could not get the game from that avenue. So, the best I could do is ask my older brother, a veritable giant of a man, to get the game for me. Unfortunately, he is also under-aged. Since Finland apparently likes being Nazi Germany, they refused to sell him the game without identification. Yes, upholding the law makes you a Nazi. If you ever get pulled over by the police you can quote me on that. Anyways, I went to the closest thing Finland has to a mall, and tried all the shops personally. None would let me buy the game, even when I used elaborate lies. They either cared for their jobs (selling inappropriate material to minors will get you fired) or are descendants of the Gestapo. I think it was the latter, personally. So, all my attempts resulted in failure. Constant, utter failure. No matter what tale I spun, I could not get that game. It eluded me, like a blind retard at some really stupid American Hillbilly Festival game. I felt betrayed by God. What kind of monster would not let me break the law? I lay there, defeated in all ways. I was destroyed. No victory could ever be achieved. As I was there, it dawned on me though. What place can I get a game without dealing with anyone? Two words: Online. Piracy.


LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In an attempt to avoid confusion and lawsuits, a clarification is in order. No illegal activity was attempted, and the reference to online piracy was not meant to imply that the owner of this blog would attempt such a heinous crime. This, however, is. I AM GOING TO STEAL THIS VIDEO GAME USING TORRENTS! That, however, is a joke used for satirical means and does not hold up in court. Just try it.

Sorry For The Lack of Updates

I was recently pretty sick, so updating has been very low on my To-Do List. Most likely it was just the common cold that was exasperated by me not caring I had the fever for a couple of days, but it's much more dramatic to say it was... THE SWINE FLU! Dun-dun-duuuuuun! This would coincide with the outbreak here in Finland and the fact that I didn't die (one of the many symptoms of H1N1), but I really doubt it was. I'll probably update tomorrow, unless I am stricken by Playing-the-shit-out-of-Fallout-3-itis or, on Tuesday, the day of its launch, Left-4-Dead-2-Is-Here-Fuck-Yes-Oh-My-God-Yes-Chainsaws-Katanas-And-Shotguns-And-Mindless-Targets-I'll-Kill-Them-All-itis. I'm sure there'll be an epidemic on the 17th.

So, this is my bullshit as to why I haven't updated. I have also got a great writing deal over at Gunaxin.com, so you'll probably see my stuff over there as well.

Zombie Contingency Plan

The one on the right looks like Quiltshoe

I am a paranoid man. If I see a Mexican outside my house, I immediately start wondering what exactly he wants to steal from me, and bring out something semi-lethal just to keep him at bay. If I see someone giving me anything, I immediately sink it in my special mix of disinfectant and holy water (I call it "Holy Disinfectant". I'm really bad with puns) and then exorcise any and all demons that might dwell in it. As such, I am planned for every single possible situation, no matter how unlikely (the impossible, like a girl finding me attractive, I am not planned for). Fully prepared, I am, for the zombie, vampire, Twilight vampire, armed monkey and unicorn apocalypses. Since some of those have simple plans (for example, Twilight Vampires can be defeated by pointing out that they are nothing but wank-fantasy for middle-aged and teenage girls, resulting in them killing themselves) or have already been discussed by other scholars, I will talk only about the one that might actually happen.

Zombies.

Zombies are slow, retarded creatures dispatched by destroying the brain, as I explained in my Health-Education test, that have an unending hunger for humans. Each victim of a zombie is turned into one. Since Finland has a miles upon miles upon even further miles upon a couple of meters of empty forests, holing up in one would seem easy. Most Finns (about 4 in 5, to be precise) have some kind of summer cottage, deep in woods/near farms/by lakes or seas. All these give more than enough food. So, with this in mind, my plan is as followed:



1. After first news of the outbreak, round up warm clothes and blankets, as much food as space permits, and the weapons (melee - axes etc, and guns - Suomi Konepistooli, weapons available from the nearby military base and the simple airguns. After that, flee Helsinki. Head towards Jyväskylä, near the family cabin. Once there, start digging trenches. The trenches have to be at least 1.5 meters deep. Make simple farms close to the main building, and send out someone to fish. There most likely are not enough zombies yet to make this dangerous. Practice firing using the airguns, and give the most accurate the machine-pistol. Set up a look-out on top of the roof, and make sure there is a ladder available. If zombies are seen, wait till they reach withing firing range and aim for the head. Repeat.

2 When winter comes, the zombies(with no circulation, mind you) will freeze to death, making their disposal easy. A shovel is best suited for this job. During the winter months, it is safe to check farm houses for survivors, and make expeditions to the town, looking for supplies. Stay indoors, and keep the house well warmed.

3 As spring begins to arrive, stop making treks, and keep a look out. Make sure everyone is at peak physical activity. If a siege of tens or hundreds of zombies arrives, move all survivors onto the roof with ladders (zombies lack the dexterity to use them) and arm them with anything you have. Make sure the quiet, fidgety guy who keeps saying "We're all going to die" under his breath does not get a weapon.

4 Keep monitoring radio channels. Use one of the wind up models. As Finland has less people than New York (note: I am making this up. I do not know), huge sieges will not occur often. Wait until the military declares it safe. Once you hear that, wait a week, and then return.



This plan is fool-proof. If you believe it to have a weakness, do tell so in the comments.



Plan B: Overdose on pills to avoid painful death.


Next one will be funny, I swear.

Christ. Updates, Right?

Jesus, time sure does fly when you are doing everything except updating your blog, doesn't it? Sure, it's easy to say "I'll update the site every week" but then BAM, reality hits your face like a cinderblock to a hippie. The truth is that while writing is a thing I enjoy very much, it still takes effort. Very little effort, yes, but more effort than, say, shooting Nazi's in Call of Duty: WaW, making a depressingly complex contingency plan in the astronomically retardedly slim chance (as slim as your [valued relative/significant other] isn't. ZING!) that zombies exist and are an actual threat(coming up soon by the way. Hark at the insane man, won't you?) , or just counting the seconds to your eventual death and debating whether or not to pull the trigger (the classic Finnish past time).

Writing this, I came to the depressing conclusion that there isn't a single person in the world wondering "Oh no! Finlander hasn't updated recently. That makes me sad because I love everything he writes and wish to see more." On the other hand I'm happy simply because nobody thinks in such a retarded way.

So, I'm writing this half-assed thing to excuse my writing, but who am I excusing it to? Me. No-one else. I had to write something, or I'd never live it down. It's hard enough living through life having to constantly drown the sounds of "BURN THEM BURN THEM BURN THEM ALL BAPTISM THROUGH FLAME THE TRUE PATH TO CHRIST IS THROUGH COMPLETE IMMOLATION" and "You do realise you are nowhere near as smart as you think, right? You have an unhealthily high view of your self. Look at you, you jackass, you can't even spell yourself right" to deal with another one saying "You couldn't keep a simple promise you made to your fictional fans. You said you'd write, and you didn't. Instead you ate sour cream & and onion chips whilst playing on your Xbox. For shame". And who knows what vital functions that petty bastard controls.





If Jere is reading this I want him to know he sucks.





Same goes for Dietle.





And that creepy juggler freak . With his damn beady eyes.

Short Story: Alchemy and Expectations

Winston lipped his parched lips, and wiped some sweat off his brow. He was beginning to fall asleep with his eyes opened. After all, he had barely slept all week. "No time," he had thought "This is too important."

He began to crank the machine, trying desperately to get just one light to prove his efforts were not in vain. He kept doing it, with his tears mixing in with his sweat. All that was missing was blood, and Churchill would be proud at the dedication he showed for his country. Try as he might, he feared it would be useless. It would mean that the past 15 years would've been completely useless.

Just as Winston was getting desperate, his eyes suddenly got the kind of glint usually saved for mad men and sellers of fine jewelry. He had realised what he had done wrong. It was so simple! The mercury wiring was incompatible with the heats created, and had melted. He would need a more thermally stable metal.

It took maddeningly long for him to find an alternative, but at long last, he had managed. The pure aluminum was obtained through less than legal ways, which added all the more to Winston's drive. He would see himself succeed, or he would die by his hands. The distillation process was near-complete, missing only the base onto which the distillation would happen. That was easy enough to find, any old DVD did the trick. He was pleased at the ease with what this happened. For once, things were going his way, the easy way. "One less crime that will detract from my triumph," Winston thought "or condemnation" he added with an air of depression. It was all up in God's hands by now, he figured, whether he was worthy of praise or hatred and scorn. His actions, though for the scientific advances, bordered on the occult, in nature and theory.

He brushed aside these thoughts, and waited for the thunderstorm that was slated for tonight. Not for any particular reason, he just enjoyed the mood it set. After all, if you break the laws of reality, you should probably do so with as much style as possible. As lightning struck, he started to crank the handle of the device. He kept on doing it, long after his strength had left him. Finally, as he was preparing for the failure that would prove him wrong, one of the lights light up. Then the second, and the third. He yelled out something unseemly in triumph, but immediately regretted doing so. It was time for him to lay out the disc under the dropping goblets of pure gold. Distilled divinity. Jehovah truly had shone to him, despite his... unseemly actions towards some misguided sheep to get his materials. He would see the true nature of the universe, finally. The first man to do so. Suddenly he began to realise the near insane amounts of... well, everything. Not a single person would deny the true prophet anything they owned. Unscrupulous and unchaste thoughts began to enter his mind, and he dismissed this train of thought.

Slowly, after the distillation was complete, the DVD loaded with God's teachings, gift, location, porn, any, or all of them, really, Winston put the disc into his cheap DVD player. No crimes would be committed in the name of advancement of both religion and science. The message was in video form, which Winston was glad for. The movie gad not reached 5 minutes when Winston started to weep. Silently, he went to his drawer, and pulled something out it. He spat once upon an image of Jesus, and pulled the trigger. There was no way to interpret the videos contents without the implications being too much for any man, let alone one who had wasted his life.


Epilogue

Hours later, as the police arrived to find out the source of the gunshot that had been reported to them, they found Winston's headless corpse flying on the carpet, with blood still pooling. They assumed it was a just a suicide by a depressed, shunned recluse. What they didn't understand was why the small TV was frozen on a single frame of Epic Movie.

Parallels Between Homer and Metatron

Homer Simpson and Archangel Metatron. Both classic literary characters. To say that the Bible was influenced by Groening would be like saying the wall of China was long. Both are some of the most known characters of today, and as such comparisons are necessary. You've probably heard of the common theory that Homer is symbolic for Martin Luther King Jr's dream, and that Metatron symbolises midgets in their struggle against each other, or that Metatron is a proxy for the dying Chris Bowen and his first time been here, with Homer(obviously) being the fact that here looks great. And we have all heard the theory that it is symbolic for the Ribbentrop-Molotov pact between Hitler and Stalin, much like how Animal Farm is symbolic for the Cold War, and Lord of The Flies for the present day occupation of Iraq. The symbolism is just too deep to be ignored.

This essay will not be one to tread the oft tread ground of discussion, like how the proud Ben Metzger treads through the cow field of Loren's heart. No, this will go for a more comprehensive look, and wonder: Truly how versed was Groening in Hebrew mythology? The answer for that would seem obvious: The relationship between Leela and Fry is quite clearly an allegory for Cain and Abel, whilst Bender B. Rodriguez is obviously Lucifer Morningstar, driven to madness by his contempt for man, and disapproval of God(or in Futurama, Elzar).

So the assumption that these two giants of literary tradition are related, and inspired each other(Some evidence claims that the scribes writing the Old Testament were given advice on how to develop the Moses character by Groening. The bumbling antics, and falling down the Colored Canyon in Sinai were later edited out, as they felt the comic relief aspects reduced the serious message they were trying to portray. These were later added to one carpenter from Nazareth in one of the sequels) Once we look deeper, we notice the way Homer stopped Bart from jumping the Springfield Gorge is obviously derived from the way Metatron stopped Abraham from killing Isac. Analyzing this, we find that Lance Murdoch is the God of the Simpsons universe, as his behaviour and outwards appearance have long suggested. So how far does the rabbit hole go? Well, both characters have become second fiddle to the other, more popular characters(Metatron is curiously absent from the New Testament, replaced by Gabriel, just like Homer was literally "dumbed down", removing his ability to affect the story lines of the mythos in any relevant ways). Much like how Homer's mother was unknown during the early seasons, so is Metatron's genesis unknown. The final, yet most final, is the fact that Metatron was mistaken for a God, or the equal of Jehovah, and as punishment he was administered 60 'strokes with fiery rods' , just as how Homer is treated with extreme physical abuse not only for his hubris, but any of his attempts to achieve anything. Any kind of punishment for your hubris is a story element only found in the Talmud, and as such it's obvious that it is the source for this behaviour. After all, who ever heard of different stories all over the world having similar elements? Hitler, that's who.

Armed with this new knowledge, I doubt you will ever look at the characters the same way. The symbolism runs deep, as does the ignorance of the common Hollywood sheep. Hopefully this dissertation will allow give you new respect for the characters.


Sources:


Cromulent and the Talmud: Simpsonian allegory in the Bible, by Dr. Alfred Oxford, PhD
Rape, Rhyme and Rythm: the secret of the Macarena, by José Cálíeïròs
Honey, Jesus is at the door: Decrypting Christianity with Your TV guide, by Opengate Publishings
Please Man, Not In The Face: A Homosexual's Tale, an autobiography by David Dietle
The Evils of Religion, or Let's Sing and Fuck, Life is Pointless, by Richard Dawkins
Parallels between Homer and Metatron, by Lucas Cambridge, PhD

Websites That Are Cancer: 4Chan

4Chan

    Hey, you know what's great? Originality, creativity, empathy and not regurgitating the same Goddamn thing over and over again. You'll find none of those over at 4Chan, capital of internet "culture". The interesting thing about it is how almost every meme seems to originate from here. Lolcats? Check. ORLY owl? Check. Rick Roll and Chocolate Rain? 4Chan again. So, it has a tendency to make certain retarded things very popular. So, like how everyone emulates the cool kids when they smoke or huff paint or whatever it is people with actual social lives do, everyone less popular follows. The point in which a meme "dies" is when it is featured on Fox News. So, what makes this bad? Well, it's not necessarily bad just for that, it's just that image macros and pictures of cats are about as funny as a brick wall with Carlos Mencia in front of it. Plus, after a million times of seeing the same cat, your lungs start to fail as a reflex, to spare you the pain of seeing it again.

   So, that explains why the site is bad, but cancerous? Well, as far as internet users go, 4Channers are a vocal minority. They do retarded things, like trolling, hacking into accounts, and overall being dicks to people, which gives the internet a bad name. Since the net is a new thing, we'd need to get a lot of people on board, but these guys are making the environment hostile.  Plus, they call Fox News "Faux" News, proving they do not know how to pronounce the words they use, just in case you weren't sure they weren't idiots already. Oh, and the spelling and grammar. Oh God the spelling and grammar. MOAR, FAIL, LULZ and EPIC are all used there,  much to the chagrin of the pedant in me.

   If you want to know why these people are one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, read Encyclopedia Dramatica, their version of Wikipedia. Check out any page, preferably with someone who committed suicide or is gay or black, and you'll see a rather sound argument why eugenics might be a good idea after all.

"God Is Dead"

Nietzsche, moments before declaring "God is dead".

With concept by yours truly, execution by the talented homosexual, Jeff Bennion.

Introduction.

   Hello, to you who might be reading right now. I'm guessing you're either the two class mates of mine who read my Twitter, or someone from Cracked I gave the link to, for feedback on writing. 

   In either case, this'll be my blog, mostly for writing comedy pieces that no-one will read, and things that happen in my life, which will also go unread. Probably for the better. The title is a bit of a high brow reference, which I guess makes me some kind of douche? That's not really a surprise, is it? Probably nobody reading this will get it. Probably using that word to much. Not that that's a bad thing. I'll try to blog in English(Real English, not that corrupted 1337 shit or those gay emoticons or acronyms), for higher appeal, and simply because, well, I love English. Writing in English is a pleasure, one that I don't often get to enjoy. So, if you've read this far, I assume you are reading this simply because you don't want to be rude to me and not read it? That'd be the only reason why, it's not like this introductory crap will tell you what the meaning of life is or something.

   Reading through this now, it seems like I'm some emo retard whining about his life. I'm not. It's just that it's raining and that makes me somewhat depressed. Plus, I'm being realistic. The only way this will be popular if reading it somehow dispenses cocaine.Note:  Remember to invent a way to do that.

So, I guess that's that? Hope you enjoy my blog, I'll update it once a week with something that people might actually want to read.