The Popularity of Horrible Parodies

Quite some time ago, I learned that people are, by nature, fucking retarded. Case in point, the popularity of *Vague Genre* Movies, made by Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, like Epic Movie or Date Movie. These movies are to cinema what tumors are to the brain. If you haven't seen any of them, here's a recap of every single one of them:

JASON: Hey, remember *insert character from a recent movie*?

AARON: Yes.

JASON: Wouldn't it be funny if they smoked weed/had sex/killed someone/were illiterate?

AARON: Hahahahhahahahahahhahahahah. Yes.

STUDIO EXECUTIVES: Here you go, have 20 Million.

These movies somehow defy all genres and create a new one: The Reference Movie. These movies are not comedies: I dare you to find a single joke. The movies rely entirely on reminding people of better, actually good movies made in the same year. Let's take Epic Movie as an example. It reportedly parodies "Epic" movies. Now, far be it from me to suggest these people don't know what an epic film actually is, but it's still interesting that they fail to feature a single epic. Instead of Titanic, Passion of the Christ or hell, Saving Private Ryan, the movie parodies The Chronicles of Narnia (Fantasy), Pirates of the Caribbean (Action) and the DaVinci Code (Drama/Thriller/Piece of Bullshit). The only thing connecting these movies together is the fact that they were made in the same year. Seltzburger (a portmanteau of their last names) seem to follow the Christian tradition of Satan: He cannot create, he can only corrupt. Indeed, these movies are nothing but corruptions of their original. The definition of parody, something those two should probably look up in between having more money and sex then I do, is the following:

A parody (pronounced /ˈpærədiː/; also called send-up or spoof), in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work.

Now, the movies don't really comment on, mock or poke fun at the movies as much as have pirates rap, laugh at midgets and have the main characters learn archery and swordsmanship from Harry Potter and Co. I might be an elitist bastard, but last time I checked, none of the characters in Harry Potter sword fight or use a bow. Maybe I "just don't get it" or am "jealous that I'm not that rich" or the old classic, that I "can't criticize unless I've made that much money".

My real gripe is not that the movies prove how buttfuck retarded our species is, but the fact that more and more people are making these movies. Let's have a look at the trailer to the upcoming movie, The 40 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It.






This movie is, obviously, a parody of The 40 Year Old Virgin. These people are under the mistaken conclusion that parodying a comedy will make your movie double funny, instead of make you look retarded. People have been parodying I'm On a Boat, a song that's already a parody for years, so it's not like this is a new thing. It's just really, really sad that people can actually get millions of dollars to make this kind of piece of shit. The jokes are so lowest-common-denominator that it makes me want to jam a screwdriver in my eyes. And the worst part is knowing that this movie will be popular. People will go see it, and they will laugh, and the douchebags who made this movie will make more movies, inspiring more and more people to make shallow parodies until comedy implodes on it self and doesn't exist anymore.

And I blame you. All of you, who have ever seen one of these movies. You brought forth the apocalypse. You have killed the genre of comedy, and replaced it with a child so retarded it does not know how to breathe. You are monsters, and you disgust me more than all the Japanese Units in China of WWII.